Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
