I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
