it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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