i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
