Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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