I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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