You work out of a Hotel?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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