im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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