The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
