guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
