Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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