i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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