Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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