Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
