then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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