Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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