I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
