i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
