I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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