I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
