I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
