Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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