Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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