She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
