You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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