Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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