guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
