All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
