Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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