After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
