i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
