You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
