I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
