her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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