It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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