You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
