i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
