as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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