i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
