Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
