i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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