I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
