sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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