she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
