Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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