I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
