And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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