Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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