I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
