I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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