Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
