so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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