I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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