Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
