Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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