I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
