I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
