What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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