I love black thongs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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