Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
